The Girl Behind The Screen
I started to write a blog post today in a lighthearted, joking fashion about how it's funny that so many people only know me online but don’t know me in person. But then the truth of that hit me. Hard. It often feels like the overly twangy country song “I’m cooler online” by Brad Paisley is playing in my head. Like I’m walking around offbeat to this soundtrack that doesn’t actually fit any aspect of my dorky life.
It’s really funny how our generation works these days, friends on Instagram but never met them in person? Normal. Comment on each others Instagram's but never talk aside of that? Normal. Which honestly sort of makes my stomach churn a little bit. If I could be raw with all of you strangers really quick, I really have no idea who reads my blog or what light they read it in, or who they have made me out to be. What I do know is that if they haven’t met me in real life, if they haven’t truly sat down with me and listened to my squeaky laugh, if they haven’t heard me audibly speak about my struggles, my mistakes, my heartaches- not just known of them through my writing, then I know that they essentially know me in half truths. And I know that it is impossible to sit down for coffee with 3,000 Instagram "friends", or with every stranger that clicks on your blog, but I think it’s important to not put people on pedestals. Truth is, no one has it figured out. No one has it perfect. We all fall apart in some way or another. I have wasted way too much time in this life sitting looking up at the stages I have built for people and set them on. No person deserves to have the responsibility of living up to a made up version of who they are.
Having said all of that- I want to take this moment to share a couple of real Laura things with you guys, so that maybe, just maybe I can become a little less of a person behind a screen and more of a real, normal, dorky 22 year old girl who cries every time she see's someone else cry. True story.
1. I’m an introvert- I love people, excessively, over the top love them but when I’m meeting new people or am not comfortable with the people around me my soul shrivels into a teeny tiny little bitty raisin. I get really quiet and I just like to observe and listen mostly.
2. I’ve always been a professional at running away when life gets hard, tossing things at land mines and sprinting the opposite direction so I don’t have to deal with the explosion. Am I proud of this? Not at all but hey, no one is perfect.
3. I genuinely care for people closest to me. I love the feeling of bonding and connecting with someone. It is honestly something that brings me so much joy.
4. I feel a lot of things, more often than not, all at once. I could write 6 pages about how much one thing means to me. I'm emotional. Aka, when I see someone crying, I immediately start crying. Can't help it! I'm a sensitive human.
5. I’m a really bad sport when it comes to school. Something about getting graded based on our ability to comprehend something leaves a bad taste in my mouth. People are not grades, they are just people.
6. I like deep conversations. I love getting to know someone on a really deep level. I find it to be the most amazingly beautiful thing that everyone has a unique story and everyone is different.
7. When something is giving me a lot of anxiety I tend to cope with that by biting my nails. Yes, it's a gross habit, but I'm not the only one, right?
8. I'm such a daydreamer. The shower is the perfect place for me to daydream. I kid you not, every time I'm in the shower 5 minutes of it are spent washing my hair, getting clean and the other 30 mins are spent day dreaming. Daydreaming is awesome though.
Those are just a few things that make me, well, me. What are some things that make you, you? I'd love to know.