Losing Four Of My Best-Friends
Experts suggest that the friendships we form during our teenage years are a major significant indicator of how we approach our adult friendships. Most of us will agree that this is pretty accurate. Our teenage friendships can be some of the most consuming of our lives. These relationships are often an opportunity to expand outside of our family relationships and to truly get to know someone who ins’t well… family.
When i imagine friendships, teenage friendships that is, i remember mine. At the age of 13 I moved to a new neighborhood, a new school, where friend groups had already been established. Back then i was a social butterfly haha so i quickly formed a friendship with a girl who also had a friend group. They welcomed me into their group and i started forming great friendships with all the girls. I like to think that during the years we were friends, we were inseparable. Many fun group chat talks, boy talks, prom, graduation, went through many things, many stages together.
You know when you think “man i can see these people be in my life long term”, well at least when you are a teen. You imagine them standing there next to you at your wedding, being there when you’re having kids, etc. Well all of that went out the window one day.
I was laying in bed one night when my now ex-best friend and i exchanged words- so hurtful that they seemingly ricocheted off the window and bounced back to hit my heart with so much intensity. After hearing what had happened the other girls chose to side with the other girl and just like that i had lost four of my best friends. (there’s more to the story but to honor their side of the story i will keep it short)
Years later, the details of the fight matter less (a little less). More so, what I think about now is the mark the friendships left on me, for both the good and bad. Losing these friendships felt a lot like getting older. Inevitable, hard and, at moments, painful. For a long time i put all the blame on myself. I let scarring words define me.
If our teenage friendships are the most significant influence on our adult life, then perhaps these “friendship break-ups” explain the flawed behavior of me making friends today. The dread that i experienced back then of losing 4 people that i thought were basically my “ride or die”, has stuck with me throughout my 20’s. I would still find it difficult to allow myself to let my walls down when i meet people. The fear of rejection. The fear that i am not worthy.
Its taken time, but I have come to terms with the knowledge that these failed friendships did not and does not make me a failure. Do not make me a bad friend. I am still worthy. There were lessons to gain from it. There was growth needed. These friendships allowed me to see myself clearly. Allowed me to understand what i want in friendships.