So there's this thing called ego.
I have an ego.
A big one.
You do, too.
We all do.
How we channel our ego is what differentiates us from being either huge jerks, or pleasant people.
I’ve been reading a lot lately on introverts. The more I read, the more I find the subject to be super fascinating. All my life I thought being an introvert was such a negative thing. I thought introverts sucked at communicating, aren't outgoing at all, and are extremely shy. When in fact, being an introvert can actually be a very positive and powerful trait. You see, introverts lack a certain need to have everything they think and say be validated. They simply know what they know and other peoples opinions don’t sway them.
Hey. My name is Laura.
I like to write and explore new places. I am an introvert. Maybe not an extreme introvert. But introvert is in my nature. Does that even make sense?! I don't have a problem with putting myself out there and talking to people. However, I find that I feel more comfortable being in a small group of people and am normally not the one to start conversations. I find to be pretty content most of the time just chilling by myself—this tends to make me feel weird about myself. As if something is wrong with me.
In high school I took a speech class. Every week we had to get in front of the class to share something. Being in front of people wasn't my favorite. With that said...
Do I like being the center of attention?! Nope, not one bit. I hated it….still do. Having all the attention makes me want to barf, makes my voice get all shaky and my face turns super red. Except I don't think anyone can see that since I'm pretty tan. #blessed haha.
I have pushed and continued to push myself out of my comfort zone throughout my entire life. I couldn’t just barf and be a tomato face in front of the whole class. Or every time I was put in the spotlight. I had to learn to be chill with that sort of stuff. I had to create a piece of me that was really excited about getting in front of people and share my writings, stories, whatever it was.
Meet my ego.
Mhm. I really feel like it’s time to name her!
What should I name her?!
She seems like a Beatrice. Or maybe a Helen.
Nah, I like Rose!
So... Rose gets rowdy. Rose gets in peoples faces when push comes to shove. Rose gets in front of her class mates like it's no biggy and Rose is also the one in front of the camera lens. Rose gets jealous and very anxious, at times. Rose can be mean. But Rose can be very protective. Sometimes Rose thinks she needs things she actually doesn’t to make her happy. But most importantly, when Rose wants to get something done, she makes it happen. She’s not afraid of anyone or anything.
My natural soul is very quiet, observes a lot, very lovey dovey, loyal, grateful and kind. And It would honestly be really easy for me to dismiss myself from society. I could run around in some far away beautiful place with my husband, drinking some good wine and be totally content for forever.
So do you see now, how I need Rose?!
Not everyday….but she is a very vital part of my introverted real self. She balances me out.
Spencer and I were going to the museum. We were trying to find parking and we spotted a family walking towards their car, so naturally we followed with our blinker on. A couple minutes earlier, I had noticed a car being parked on that same road but had no blinker. It was just there. It looked like they were just waiting for someone. When the family pulled out. We pulled into the parking spot. We were getting ready to get out of the car and start our day at the museum. When suddenly I notice that same car that was parked randomly on that road pull up really close to our car. The guy got out of his car came to Spencer's side of the car and started banging on the window. Banging on car. Cursing at us. Yelling to get out of the car. Mentioning that was his spot first.
At first, it took me by surprise and I was a little nervous.
Quickly after, I just got angry.
He was trying to open the doors, and kept telling Spencer to get out of the car to fix this situation. As if he wanted to beat him up.
My heart was beating fast.
I felt my face begin to boil.
I wanted to get out of the car and tell this man to back off and stop treating my husband as if he was going to be his punching bag. But obviously that wasn't the smartest thing to do.
I started yelling at the guy from the inside of the car for like 5 minutes straight telling him if he didn't leave I would take measures and call the police. And just like that the guy backed off a bit.
Spencer was mad. VERY MAD. But he is more of the logical, calm mad. At that moment he turned around and looked at me with wide eyes. Like if I was some kind of crazy lady, haha. That was the first time he saw the protective side of me come out.
At the end we decided to just leave the spot and try to find parking somewhere else because that guy was CRAY CRAY and it honestly wasn't even worth it.
So in that situation. That was all Rose. And honestly, I am grateful for her. Especially in instances where It comes to protecting myself and my loved ones. And I need her. She doesn't let me down.
So, it turns out egos aren’t always jerks. If you can differentiate your true self from your ego self then life becomes a whole lot easier. Learn to utilize your ego for good, rather than a vehicle for your insecurities and I promise doors will open for you, my friends.
…anddddd end of rant.
Thanks for tuning in! <3